Have you ever seen a star on the big screen with a bright light behind their gigantic, larger- than- life head, and wondered, "Where are all the frizzies? How does she get rid of those?"

I certainly have. How on earth do they get that shiny, healthy, frizz- free look? Is it money? Do my roots have some innate sense of my net worth and frizz to oblivion out of sheer desperation for their lot in life?

While going to the salon doesn't make me look like Jennifer Aniston, I do have much better hair for that day than any other in a six- month stretch. Every time I get my hair cut, I leave the salon with soft, luxuriant tresses which I can never, ever, ever recreate at home. Why?

Do they put some secret ingredient on your hair when you are contorted over the sink? Or is it the act of contorting itself which produces such stellar results? Do I need to install a little torture chamber for myself where I can sit in the chair with my head bent backwards and somehow manage the dexterity to wash my hair myself in this bizarre fashion in order to be pretty? The idea has merit, as most stylists do not themselves have exemplary hair.

Perhaps it is merely that one can achieve better results on another's hair than on one's own. If this is true, then I think we need to go back to the time when women simply had to have their own ladies maid. Of course, if we were in that time I would most likely be working in the kitchen rather than having my hair done by a young French thing who could do wonders with feathers....

What I do know is this- I buy expensive shampoos, cheap shampoos, expensive conditioners, cheap conditioners, smoothing serums, creams, gels, pomades, straightening solutions, hot oil treatments, flat irons, curling irons, and rollers. I dry my hair slowly in sections to smooth, upside down for body, or let it dry naturally to keep from damaging its delicate cuticle.... and always, always, always, my hair looks pretty much the same (and by that, I mean frizzy and without much style).

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go try out my new shine spray ...