I went out of town this week to present at a STEM conference, leaving L and the boys home alone and under the excellent care of our dog, Kona. You would think if there were trouble, it would be from the ten year old or eight year old, right? Right? Not so much, as it turns out.
After returning to my hotel one night, I called L to see how things were going. He didn't answer. I thought, "poor baby! It's only 10:30 and the children have so exhausted him that he's collapsed in bed for the night!" I only wish.
He called back in a few minutes to tell me his tale. Are you ready? Warning: I wish he had never, ever, never told me this!
After letting Kona out for her 10 o' clock pee, he couldn't get her to come back in. In fact, he couldn't even see her. Now, we just moved and have a much bigger yard than she previously reigned over, with a small patch of woods at the back of our property. It was raining, and L went looking for our wayward dog. Side note: L swears he wants submissive and sweet women in his life. But he married me, and he picked out Kona. Methinks he doth protest too much.
Upon finding our little dog, he beheld that she had something in her mouth. He thinks it was brain or organ tissue. Ewwwww. After making her give it to him, he had to decide what to do with it.
Let's all take a moment to think about what we would have done in the same situation. Got it in your mind? Then we shall return to our tale.
Worried that if he put it in the trash it would stink, he PUT.IT.DOWN,THE.GARBAGE.DISPOSAL. In my kitchen. Where I cook things that don't usually contain raccoon rabies. Can you feel my horror? I mean, come on. The kitchen is not where you get rid of your dog's fresh kill. It's just not.
Needless to say, I was/am mad, horrified, germaphobic, and pretty sure I should start rabies shots prophylacticly. Oh, and it stinks. Like dead stuff. I tried putting Drano down it, and it did help the smell, but when I tried to move the rubber thing out of the way and look down there, I saw something like looks like a squid. Or a chihuahua. L thinks it is skin. Skin that won't be chopped and that will live there forever.
We're buying a new garbage disposal tomorrow. The end.
True story: It took me approximately five minutes to remember how to log into blogger so I could post this. Wow. I'm pathetic and my memory is definitely not what it used to be. Of course, L's been telling me this for years. Years, I tell you!
I got this little poem in an email today and I liked it. As a person who really, really enjoys dwelling on the negatives when given a chance, I need to remember to, well, not do that. And I need a lot of reminders. I'm also thinking this will be some good copy work for my #1 student one of these days. Tee hee... And speaking of said student, he needs someone to get him back on track with his current copy work ("It is not a bad rip, but rips are not fun if you get wet. Don and Jill set up two cots in the tent.").
In Which I Cannot Think Of An Interesting Title...
Apparently, H2 heard me ask my Mom to bring her steam cleaner by yesterday evening. I know this, because he felt free to poop all over the floor in his room at some point during the night. Thanks for that, kid.
In other news, I'm in love with this lemonade I discovered in some hippie e-book I downloaded. We'll call it Hippie Lemonade. And if you are like me (i.e., in some long ago, pagan time, you would have pledged yourself to the temple of some sugary beverage and served for many a year with sugary devotion), you will love it. And it has like, no calories. Ok, maybe a few from the lemon juice, but I'm going with the few enough in a single serving to count method of figuring. Me and the FDA.
Hippie Lemonade 2 lemons water stevia
Juice the two lemons (you want fresh, not the bottle stuff), and pour in a 2 qt container. Fill the rest of the container with water. Add stevia and enjoy (well, maybe stir it first...) For my stevia and my tastebuds, I use about 1/2 teaspoon. You'll need to experiment with your brand of stevia, probably.
I'm not doing to well with my resolution, am I? If it makes you feel any better, my other resolution has gone to pot as well. Today was supposed to be my first time back to the gym in about 23 years. Alas, I stayed up too late with L watching the Millionaire Matchmaker last night, and the ensuing sleeping in threw my whole day off. Have seen her, by the way? She's so mean. It's like a train wreck I can't turn away from.
So, now I'm waiting for the nutjobs to finish their lunches, then we are off to WalMart, then to get my allergy shot (which I can no longer get between the hours of 11 and 1, and guess when I have always gone to get it...), then home for the little monster to nap whilst Hatchling and I finish school. We're a bit behind, having taken off Monday since Daddy was home and having taken off yesterday because Hatchling lost the ability to preform fundamental tasks, such as clean his room within the very strict 5 hour time limit. Never fear, though! Boy buckled down in my bathroom floor and did all three days worth of math while I got ready this morning, so we'll catch up on language arts (reading/writing for you non-homeschoolers) this afternoon. Our readings I don't worry about, since we are usually ahead on those anyway. My kids love to be read to! In fact, Hatchling will always choose to quit playing Wii a few minutes early if it means he gets bedtime stories (which are really just school masquerading as bedtime stories, bwa ha ha).
Greetings, Earthlings! How is 2010 shaping up for you so far? My personal resolution this year, besides losing weight (like any good American), is to blog more. I'm not off to a bang up start, I know, but I'm doing the best I can, OK?
Today, I shall tell you all about my favorite Christmas present. It's timely, considering it is insanely cold here, and the cold makes me want to curl up into a ball and die a frozen death. Dear God, why was I not born in Hawaii? Are mild southern winters to be the thorn in my flesh? But I digress...
My lovely sister, who lives in that most frozen state of Colorado, got me the bestest socks ever. Ever, people. I mean, if you don't have these socks, you just aren't living up to your full potential. So without further ado, here they are!
These are some sort of snowboarding socks, or some such silly sport in which I would most likely incur a mortal wound from which I would never recover. That's the thing with mortal wounds, you know- you just don't get better. But about my socks! They are from Smartwool, and they are insanely expensive. Like, over twenty bucks a pair. BUT, oh so worth it.
True confession: since opening my socks on Christmas Eve, I've been wearing them something like 5 days a week, with a day or two off for washing. Isn't that disgusting? I can't help it, I love them so much. They keep me warm all the way to my knobby little knees, and they bring me all kinds of joy. You should go order yourself a pair, so you can have the joy, too. I should order myself another pair so I can have even more joy. Let's all order socks today, as we sit inside and freeze our little tushies off! It's retail therapy at its finest, no?
I really should order H2 some, for when he sees his coat in my hands, he starts crying and screaming, "Scary!" Apparently, little Guatemalans feel like I do about the cold. Perhaps even a bit more vehemently. No playing in the snow for that kid!
We're back from a week at the happiest place on Earth. The place where your children will scream, cry, throw kicking tantrums in every imaginable public place, use abhorrent table manners, and in general, make you look like an awful parent. And as an added bonus- you get to pay out the nose for this treatment! But when you have these sweet vacation photos to look back on, you convince yourself it was all worth it!
Oh, I had so much fun with my Mom for a whole week. Even though she lives just a few minutes away, I don't get to see her nearly enough. I'm trying to get her to move into our spare room (I haven't told L that yet, but I'm certain he wouldn't mind). Thanks for putting up with us for a week, Mom!
On our way we down, we missed not one but TWO connections. So instead of getting to the parks by 2, we barely made our 5:40 dinner reservation at Chef Mickey's. We did make it though, which was good because it was the only character meal we had scheduled for the whole week.
H2 is not sure what to think...
Here we are in Animal Kingdom, in our matching Tilly hats. Aren't we cute? And can I just tell you, I could just eat L up when I watch him walk around all day in his Tilly hat. Between the hat and the dimple, I'm milk toast. Or at least, I think that's what I am- I'm not entirely sure what milk toast is. But I think it's what i am. And it's OK- we're married, so I can feel that way.
Ever wonder what trouble looks like?
Hatchling in his homemade poncho for Kali River Rapids. Once you've walked around for one afternoon in the Florida humidity, soaked to the skivvies, you'll think twice about doing it again.
The boys meet Pluto...
And Donald. See those backpacks? I got them for five bucks a piece, ironed on a little Disney patch, and wrote their names on them in fabric marker. Then, we had the characters sign them- instead of some cheesy autograph book that wouldn't last the month (boys are hard on things). Hatchling still has all the papers from his last autograph book, and likes to look at them, but I thought this was a little more fun (read: durable). It was a problem when Goofy got rained on whilst signing- the ink won't run after it dries, but it apparently will before it has time to dry. We got him to re-sign on a different day, and we're going to get Hatchling a second patch to cover up the goof(y).
I kid you not- I was close enough to hear, and Hatchling is whispering to Minnie that her dress is just beautiful. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Gigolo of the Year, 2022...
We also went to Playhouse Disney Live at Hollywood Studios. Mickey Mouse Clubhouse is H2's 2nd favorite thing in the world (#1 being Thomas the Tank Engine, #3 being his family). Seeing all his favorite characters in the flesh (so to speak) was more than he could take in. He sat with his little mouth hanging open the entire time, and leaving the show induced a rather astonishing fit, even for the Angry Guatemalan. He would not be soothed. He wanted Mouse (I feel sure he would have said he wanted Mouse, dammit, if only he had the expansive vocabulary to do so. I wonder- if I teach my children to swear, will they be less likely to have breakdowns, or will they just have more colorful breakdowns? Kidding!).
My absolute favorite part of the week was the Mickey's Not So Scary Halloween Party. In case you don't know, this is where the Magic Kingdom closes down unless you have a special (read: extra cost) ticket that allows you to be there. Kids (and grown ups) are encouraged to dress up, there is a special parade and fireworks, and you get to trick or treat all over the park. As an added bonus, the park is pretty empty, so you can ride all the rides you want with virtually no lines. Also, it's cool, which was a rare experience during our sweltering, sweaty week.
We had with us a strikingly handsome Woody...
And this cute little LGM (he was a huge hit on the Buzz Lightyear ride).
Cute little buggers, aren't they?
I can't say enough about MNSSHP- if you ever have a chance, GO! I loved the parade. Somehow, L managed to not get pics of my two favorite parts of the parade, both from the Haunted Mansion part (I might fire him, if not for that Tilly hat). I loved the Haunted Mansion dancers and also the Grave Diggers, who occasionally scraped their shovels on the ground and made sparks. It was way cool, and the fact that it rained right till the start of the parade and was a little foggy only made it cooler. You can see last year's parade here- the Haunted Mansion sequence starts about 4:20
I even had to buy this , so the kids and I could have some great Halloween music to listen too.
Here, a Sea Serpent sneaks up on H2. They're both too cute for words, no?
Slush's favorite- MNSSHP Slush's Mom's favorite- MNSSHP Hatchling's favorite- Rides without any darkness H2's favorite- I'm guessing Playhouse Disney L's favorite- two evenings spent alone with me, walking around parks and doing nothing but enjoying one anther's company (This answer was given with no pause for thought and total sincerity- now, don't I feel bad about my answer!)