May 9, 2006
Breaking up is hard to do
Today, I told my sister that I didn't want to continue to watch my 7-month old niece while she is at work. While I love the little bugger like crazy, I just have too much going on right now. With the upcoming move, getting a home study done for the adoption, and just the stress of the adoption by itself, I'm all maxed out.

Hatchling by himself is a lot to keep up with. I know I will have two soon enough, but it's different when they are your own. Someone made the comment the other day that I am really 'pregnant', in that it will be about 9 months from now that we have our baby (hopefully!). I was thinking about that, and I know that if I were really physically pregnant, I would want to savor the time before the baby comes along and Hatchling doesn't get as much attention from Mommy. With another baby already in the house, I can't do that.

I wish I didn't feel so guilty or like such a crappy sister/aunt. It's probably because my reasons are all about me, and not about my poor sister, who isn't able to stay at home, and has to leave her child in the care of another person. She felt better knowing I was that person. I'm selfish and I suck. I might as well be fat too, so I'm going to go reward my poor behaviour with a Coke.
Blogger lawyerchik said...
It's not like you just shoved the child out into the street, though. It would be great if we could all do everything we want for everyone in our lives, but you're right to recognize your own limitations on what you can do right now. Moving is stressful. Waiting for a new little one to join your family is stressful. You've been able to be a good childcare provider for your sister, and maybe after things settle down a little, you may be able to do so again (depending on distance, etc.). Hopefully, your sister understands and appreciates the care you've been able to give so far and supports and encourages you and your family as you prepare for this next step. (If not, refuse to share chocolate brownies with her.....) :)

Blogger Katrina said...
You didn't mention how your sister reacted, but I'm sure that on some level she understands all the factors that make it overwhelming for you right now. It sounds to me like you're thinking of your kiddo, not yourself!

May you be blessed in all things!

Anonymous kass said...
You're not selfish. At least you communicated your feelings, instead of continuing to watch your niece and then being upset and grumpy about it.

Its good to know your limits. It is even better when you can communicate them. I am sure that your sister will appreciate your honesty in the end.

And YES by all means, reward yourself with a coke.

Blogger shay v. said...
You're right. You do suck...

but only because you think that having a frickin' coke is a splurge!
You are not selfish. Good lord, woman - you have a HELL of a lot on your plate right now. With houses and lots selling, home studies, anticipating the adoption process, taking care of a pre-schooler/toddler and THEN taking care of your baby niece? WAAAYYYY to much. I'd have broken down into tears way before this! I'd be a melted little puddle of stress and tears. I think it's good that you've realized that you NEED to do this and have this time for yourself. You are a kind and smart woman who is on overload. In my opinion, you did the best thing possible... so that you don't end up resenting your wee niece or sister!
Now... go have a brownie sundae!!!

Blogger Michelle Potter said...
Don't feel bad! It's great that you helped your sister while you could, but if it's too much right now pushing yourself would only delay the inevitable. And you're right, watching your own kids is not AT ALL the same. I'm expecting #6, and I still get stressed watching other people's kids! (And I do NOT do long-term babysitting while I'm pregnant! Oh no!) ;)