January 16, 2009
Dear Hatchling,

How can one small child dirty up 37 pairs of socks in one measly week? Particularly when said child is cavorting in his skivvies for 98.7% of that week? I simply don't understand. Perhaps you just enjoy removing the socks from your drawer, pulling them apart, and then putting them in the hamper? You know, 5 isn't too young to start doing your own laundry and you are only one month away from that auspicious age, so I would start watching myself if I were you.

And while we're chatting, could you please tell me why your baby brother likes to take out all of his socks, pull them apart and then do various things such as: throw them like confetti around his room, stuff them in the cracks of his toddler bed and baby gate, stuff them in all the shoes, move them to other drawers, etc.? Did you teach him this? Why, why are you trying to break my spirit?