Your farmer's market had me at hello. Oh the produce! The leafy greens, the raw cheeses, the fresh breads and even the kombucha! And the smells! Oh delicious, smells! You made me weak in the knees, and I was loathe to leave you. Do you think you could give L a job at your Google office so I could be one with you, for always? Pretty please?
Lovelorn back in Arkansas, Slush
Dear Cherry Creek Mall,
I knew as I passed the valet parking on my way to the solid granite changing table that this was not the mall for me. This was only solidified by the La Cornue stove in your Williams Sonoma. L is so lucky that the smallest one is too large for my 30" stove opening. Looking at you and caressing your beautiful surface made me feel a little like I was cheating on my husband. Only he was right there watching, so I guess that made me something of a swinger? It's all too convoluted to understand. I love you, but it's just not going to work out between us. Could you please tell the puppy mill store that I will miss them too? I love all those wiggly balls of fur, and I don't care where they came from. And if I had an extra $600 after I purchased my stove, I'd take one home.
Dear King Soopers,
Why isn't it Super, or Supers? I'm really disturbed by your spelling choices, so please enlighten me. The spelling is the only thing I found wrong with your store. Oh, the incredible offerings you offer! Kombucha, Mexican Coke by the bottle, organic everything you could imagine, plus all the stuff a regular grocery store has to offer too! My brother in law mocked me when I said you were my favorite part of the trip, but I miss you King. Can I call you King? I feel like we're old friends, separated by a cruel twist of fate. My sister doesn't appreciate you. She doesn't love you like I do. Come to Arkansas, please? I promise we'll be best friends, forever and ever.
Crying about my available grocery choices,
You are windswept and boring. There is a certain prettiness to you, and I love trying to guess what all those crops are and to pretend that the dry, scraggly ones are the GM crops, and the lush bountiful ones are organic. But frankly, that's only entertaining for a few hours at best. Do you think you could get more interesting? The windmills help, but you've still got a ways to go.
Bored by you,