Please friends, don't let this happen to you.
L's sister got married today (yea!). My job was to provide copious amounts of pinwheels, artichoke spinach dip, and jalapeno thingys
I suppose I should have known things were going to be difficult when the Food and Drug Administration announced, the day before I went to buy 50 of them, that jalapenos were the source of the salmonella outbreak. Salmonella doesn't scare me, and I was cooking them anyway, so I found a local farmer that had some and stocked up. Last night (after returning from L's Granny's funeral), I washed all my peppers and started slicing and scooping out the insides. On about pepper number thirty, I started coughing up a storm. But I was almost done with the worst part, so I pressed on. I have stellar work ethic. By the time the last pepper was freed from its heinous insides, I was coughing so much I was gagging. I mean doubled over on the floor and seriously about to puke coughing and gagging. I guess I'm sensitive to that stuff in pepper spray.
I took a break before stuffing and wrapping my little pepper friends in bacon, and sat down to watch the news with L. I commented on how little microscopic cuts I had on my hands that I wasn't even aware of burned like the dickens. I suppose it is merciful that I didn't know what I was in for.
By the time I was about halfway through stuffing, my hands were bright, bright red, and hurt like, well, hell. Holy crap, did they ever hurt. I yelled at L to google burning pepper hands, and we discovered I was suffering from something called jalapeno hands. Such a cute little name for the most painful of disorders.
L suggested washing my hands in the hottest water I could stand, with dish washing liquid to cut the pepper oil. I did. Multiple times. Before long, the hottest water I could stand was from the cold tap, and it was nearly excruitiating. Then he suggested rubbing alcohol. This was quite soothing. Until the alcohol dried, and the searing pain returned. Next came a milk bath. Yeah, it didn't do much. Next came hydrocortisone cream. Nothing. A soak in white vinegar. It seemed to help. For about 15 minutes. I then spent the rest of the evening putting germx on my hands every 2 minutes. I think it is the coolness of the alcohol that makes it feel better. Or it could be the two chocolate martinis L made me. Either way, the pain was lessened enough that I was able to go to bed. With an icepack.
This morning, the pain seemed mostly diminished- until I got up and set to baking all my little peppers. I don't know if it was the blood returning to my hands after being asleep, touching the peppers again, or my hands just seeing the peppers and throwing a big old flaming fit of pain at such an injustice to their very being, but once I was up and around, the pain was pretty intense again. I spent the drive to the wedding with an icepack. Have I mentioned how much I love ice?
Please, don't touch peppers without gloves. I didn't know, but I promise you want to learn from my stupidity. Boy howdy, you really really
want to learn from me.